Guest Post: Sarah Barfield
My wife Sarah has started her own blog about three weeks ago, and I've been really impressed with her writing (marry someone who continues to surprise you with how talented they are- it's more fun).
This last week she posted a blog that really hit home for me. She blogged about the internal feelings of moving to Nashville, and did a better job of explaining how I felt about the whole experience than I've ever been able to put down on paper. So I decided to steal it for my blog this week.
If you enjoy short, well written, thought provoking blogs on a range of topics, give Sarah a follow at www.thenashvillwife.wordpress.com. Here's the article:
“I think we should move to Nashville”
The words that started our journey. He outgrew the city we were in and it was time to be the little fish in the big pond. I knew he needed to grow, to expand. He needed to flex his fingers and his mind in ways he’s only dreamt of. I knew it was time to stop dreaming.
“I think that’s where you belong.”
I wonder if other musicians feel this pull. For those that do, you’ll understand me when I say it’s not just a decision to move here. It’s the underwater current you can’t swim out of; the gravitational force you can’t peel yourself away from. You don’t decide to move to Nashville. You wake up and realize one day that you’re not home. That you’ve never really been home.
(To those that don’t have close ties with your family, know that this realization is both sad and inviting all in the same.)
That first, scary moment where you’ve made the jump but now that you’re here, what do you do first? Is there a start to a finish? A race you’ve just entered and you’re hoping to catch up? Or is this just a pool where you jump in and hope you can keep your head above water?
“I must be doing something wrong. I must not be good enough.”
It’s been a year, maybe two now. You’ve not picked up any work, or at least very little. You constantly, silently compare yourself to those around you. You see their success and toss logic to the wind. Sure. They’ve been here seven years to your one, but hey that doesn’t matter, right? You should’ve already “made it” by now. This is the temptation. This is what you have to guard yourself from thinking, feeling, believing, if you’re going to continue to strive to be that successful Nashville musician. If you’re going to “make it”.
“Speaking of making it…”
I’m not sure this is a real thing, to be honest. I hear people talk about “making it”.
→ I should’ve made it by now
→ He/she never made it as a musician
As a musician, especially in Nashville, you’re always striving to “make it” and the closer you get to it, the more you realize it never really existed to begin with. You’re a musician. If you’ve already made the move to Nashville, you’ve “made it.” I mean sure, I get what people mean. “Making it” means they are successful in whatever goal they hoped to attain. But I guess that is exactly what I am getting at. Theres no such thing as “making it” because the phrase itself is so fluid and each person has their own definition. Don’t focus on “making it”. I don’t believe that is ever the end goal, not really.
… … … … …
Three and a half years later, we are still grasping at our goals. Striving for success but not at the cost of our sanity. We continue to blend our worlds to the point where we confuse the “I” and the “You” in any story. There’s more story to write, more plots to unfold.